Modern Medicine Solves World Sperm Shortage (Satire)

Scientists are now claiming a breakthrough in finding a new way to create sperm. This is being hailed as an amazing medical technology breakthrough that could help treat infertility.

But hold on…

Is there really a shortage of sperm in the world? And for that matter, is there a shortage of people? In an age where overpopulation of the planet is already destroying our natural world and consuming non-renewable resources, it seems absurd to be spending time, money and effort coming up with a new way to create sperm.

And besides, is it really a scientific breakthrough to accomplish what every 12-year-old teenage boy does automatically in his sleep? The creation of sperm, after all, has been happening for as long as anyone can remember, and I don’t recall any sperm shortage public protests or United Nations warnings about the world running out of sperm.

Sure, we’re short on fresh water, arable land, and common sense, but sperm is not on the list of things in short supply around here. We should probably focus on making the babies we have right now healthier and more vibrant through nutrition and good parenting rather than figuring out a way to bring more babies into the world — most of whom will be nutritionally abused by ignorant parents feeding them junk food, by the way.

How to destroy sperm: Junk foods and pharmaceuticals

It’s no coincidence that junk food and pharmaceuticals cause a loss in sperm quality in the first place. In fact, male infertility caused by exposure to junk foods and pharmaceuticals is Mother Nature’s way of telling some men they’re not qualified to reproduce. If you can’t even protect the health of own sperm, you’re definitely not qualified to bring a new baby into this world…

The arrogance of medical scientists in this sperm announcement is simple jaw-dropping, by the way. They’re proud in having invented a way to artificially create sperm but after a hundred years of domination over the medical scene, they have yet to create a single cure for anything: Cancer, diabetes, heart disease, depression, Alzheimer’s, kidney stones or a thousand other health conditions. They have not made anyone healthy, but by focusing on infertility technology, they can dream up new ways to bring yet more unhealthy customers into the world who can be targeted for pharmaceutical sales and chemotherapy treatments.

It’s all so morally and ethically contorted that you just know it’s being done for profit, not for humanity.

And that’s the charter of western medicine, after all: Generate profits while abandoning the real health needs of the people. It’s all a numbers game: More babies = more patients. More patients = more profits. And more sickness and disease creates a windfall of insane profits!

Infertility be damned. We’ll make babies artificially if we have to, just to fill the hospital beds and keep the pharmaceutical pipelines humming. Conception, after all, is a disease — a medical fact evidenced by the way pregnant women are rushed into hospitals for all sorts of poking, prodding and blood testing. There is no willingness in modern medicine to simply let pregnancy, childbirth or fertility happen naturally. It’s all about intervention and profits

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